Best. Complaint. Ever!!

We had the best complaint EVER in the box office this morning! A woman called (apparently yesterday) for tickets to the kids' show that is today and tomorrow. It's also sold out for all performances, and has been since about Wednesday of this week. She left a message with a wrong number, which my staff tried to call back but obviously couldn't reach her. Well, she called again this morning about 3 minutes prior to us opening (which, btw is an hour earlier than our usual opening and also on a weekend which we're only open when we have a show), and we called her back when we opened and informed her that we were sold out. She then hung up on my student, and proceeded to call SECURITY! because we were sold out and she left "numerous" messages (after 9pm, btw, when we are long since closed) and no one called her back. The poor security guard had to come over here and tell us, in the rain, that he has to file a report because of this nutbag!

Then, she just showed up even though we informed her that the shows were sold out. Her kids (or grandkids) are on leashes! And she went on and on again! She also said we had no recording to say we were sold out (we did) and that she called many numbers and none of them said it (we only have one number, so whoever else she called wouldn't have been us to start with), and can she file a complaint, to which I informed her we received her complaint and sorry, we've been sold out since Wednesday, to which she said "I've been calling since last night!" Um, last night was Friday, a full two days after sell out. She also said our internet said we're open until 10pm. Are you effin nuts?! Oh, and no, it does not say that, anywhere. It says we OPEN at 10...holy moses!

Reading is NOT overrated!

When you see an advertisement for an event and decide you would like to attend, make sure you read the whole piece. Especially the part where it indicates where to call, how much the tickets are, and how to make your reservations. People put a lot of thought into that bit of the notice, it might be nice if you read and processed that information. I promise, it will save you time and aggravation. For example, the event in question is being held at a popular theatre in your area. Fine. Rather than making more work for yourself by looking up the box office number, read the advert. Oh! Lo and behold, for this event, I am supposed to call elsewhere. Oh, and look, here is the number I should call! Oh, it's free, how wonderful! Oh, I should leave a message when I call this number with my name and number in my party. Oh, they have a limit to the number of guests I can have!

See, I just saved you all kinds of time and run around. Don't get pissy at me when you call the wrong office and have to be transferred to a reservation line instead of a live person. Had you READ the advertisement, you'd have known all this already!!!

People watching

Working during shows, you have a really great opportunity to people watch. And sometimes, you'd rather not see what you see. Here are a few examples.

1. One lady came in wearing a print so loud you wanted to cry. And she was wearing both pieces--the top and the bottom. To quote a coworker "she'd blend in well with a watermelon."

Lesson 1: when it comes to bold prints, top or bottom, not both.

2. Older gentleman wearing pants up to the middle of his ribcage. With a belt. And suspenders.

Lesson 2: Belt or suspenders. Choose one or the other, not both.

3. Older gentleman, wearing a button down shirt. It would have been fine, except for the giant eagle with rippling American flag behind it. It took up most of the shirt and the sleeves.

Lesson 3: Be patriotic, but within reason. Wave your flag on a flagpole, not emblazoned upon your barrel chest.

4. Late-middle age larger woman. In stretch pants with no back pockets and a shorter cotton shirt (no exposure, just not long).

Lesson 4: If you are larger sized, stretch pants with no back pockets either make you look like a frog who stood up or a pair of beach balls. Just say no to ill fitting pants. It is still possible to dress nice no matter your age or size. Keep telling yourself this.

5. Young-middle age woman. She was wearing one of those pretty satin shirts that is in fashion right now, the ones with the empire waist and somewhat low neckline. But she wore a ribbed turtleneck beneath it.

Lesson 5: Dressy shirt with utilitarian turtleneck beneath is not what we mean by "layering your look." Just say no to bad fashion choices. When in doubt, ask a friend.

More to come.

Where am I?

We had a customer call us for information about our theatre--dates, times, that sort of thing. Things seemed OK for the most part until the near end of the conversation.

Patron: And you are located in City X?

Me: No, actually we are in City Y (which is the next city north).

Patron (pauses): Are you sure?

(Uh, pretty darn!)

Me: Yes, sir, we are in Y.

Patron: Oh, ok...thank you.

Really? You thought I didn't know where I was? Did you think we'd outsourced a local community theatre's box office?

Can you hear me now?

This is how I started my day. I hadn't even been in the box office 5 minutes.

Me: Thank you for calling the box office how may I help you?

Patron: Yes, I want to get tickets for your first summer show.

Me: Certainly, what date would you like?

Patron:.......I'm sorry, I can't hear you very well.

Me (louder): Yes, what date would you like to attend?

Patron: Oh, I'd like to go June 10.

Me (still loud): Could I have your name please?

Patron:.........I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You keep fading out.

Me (even louder): Could I have your name please?

Patron: It's Jane Doe

Me (still very loud): And your address?

Patron:....It's 123 Main Street

Me (still very loud): And your zip code?

Patron: What?

Me (even louder--now I am echoing down the hall): What is your zip code?

Patron: What?

Me (shouting so loud that I could be heard up and down the hallway and probably through two doors): WHAT IS YOUR ZIP CODE, PLEASE??

Patron: I still can't hear you. Maybe I should just come in.

Me (shouting at the top of my lungs): YES, THAT WOULD BE BEST

Patron (mumbles): I can't hear her *click*

Some fun quotes

Some entertaining remarks from patrons to people with whom I work:

“I am interested in your summer season. I just saw your last show and… haha… let me tell ya… my diaper is still not dry from that one.” Um, ok...ew


“Hi I ordered tickets for the summer. The person that I talked to said that they were mailing them but I don’t remember giving them my name or address." Oh dear, little old lady. Oh dear.

Random guy- “Hi I would like to exchange my summer tickets.”

Box Office Employee- “Sorry sir, individual tickets are not refundable nor exchangeable.”

RG- “Do you want to be responsible for my divorce?”

BOE- “No sir.”

RG- “Well you will be if you won’t exchange these tickets.”

...Okayed from supervisor to exchange it….

BOE-“Congratulations sir I saved your marriage.”

We're closed

Hello, dumbass. We're closed. Stop calling over and over again and listening to the voicemail message that clearly SAYS we're close in addition to spelling out what our normal business hours are and then hanging up, resulting in multiple "messages" of the sound of a phone receiver hanging up. We're closed, and now we know you're stupid and don't pay attention because we have Caller ID! And no, we're not calling you back if you can't be bothered to leave a proper message (you wouldn't know we have Caller ID anyhow). Call back DURING business hours and we'll be more than happy to help you.